PISHIKA accepted: Autism.

Today we were was told that Azure has Autism.

I kinda freaked out. I'm still freaking out. Even the fact that i felt like it was coming didn't stop the sudden felling of being blindsided. Suddenly i started playing all the things that kids do through my head and wondering if AZ will participate in them. School dances, sleep overs, best friends, sports teams, theater, prom, collage, kids of his own???? I should of been listening closer to what the Dr. were telling me or turned to Kevin and asked him how he was feeling. Did he have the sudden panicked feeling in his chest. did he want to stand up and tell these trained professionals that "no your wrong! our child cant be only at a 24m learning level. We are good parents!"

But why am i freaking out. its not like they told us he is terminally ill, hes a happy, fun, little boy that Freaking loves airplanes. Its because Autism is still a "dirty word". Finding out now means our world if now going to fill up with different forms of therapy. 15-30 hours a week of speech, occupational, floor time, in home help for everyday milestones like potty training, sleeping and even eating. We have pages of readings and list's of people we need to call. This new "label" will consume our lives for the next few months. Non of this changes who azure has always been. Im just sad that now instead of trips to the park every afternoon it will be appointments and learning tools. For that i am sad.

But for this weekend all of that can wait. Azure turns 3 on Sunday. So i will stop crying, blaming, googling, and feeling sad. instead we will celebrate this amazing little man that has so much to teach us!